So I picked up some Ron's today for seven bucks as "fastgrabs" at the DAZ store. Finally, something cool that I didn't miss by several hours, yes! For the one or two people that read this and probably don't know WTF I'm talking about, Ron is a prolific producer of amazing and incredibly useful Photoshop brushes and gizmos. I was really hoping it would be Cyborg Parts that came up as my first "fastgrab" but getting Cyborg Circuitry, Concrete, and Particle for a small fraction of the price is pretty kick-arse.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to be an artist and all will be well.

While my computer crunches away doing its rendering thing I've been going back over my small collection of "Heavy Metal" mags from 10 years ago. It's amazing and frightening to think that so much time has passed and it seems like nothing. Lucky I had low expectations for myself back then, and I've completely smashed them all... but now on the other side of all that gloom I realise I've set the bar way below my potential and left myself a light years of work to do to get to where I actually would like to be. I still wake up every other morning and wonder who the fuck I am, and what it is that I really want, and what it is that I can reasonably hope to accomplish. I still go through the old existential crisis mill (we all got'a do shit we don't wanna do, right?), but I think there is progress. People talk about wasted youth all the time - well I am somewhere approaching the pinnacle of the phenomena. I could have done literally anything, instead I've done almost nothing. Considering at one point I didn't think I'd live to 25 I think I could have done a lot worse, and like I said I've completely pissed all over (if I allow myself to be so crass) what I expected of myself.

I think I've finally reached that point where I've grown sick and tired of being outside looking in and would rather be inside where I can actually get something done.